“Goodbye”, and so said to 2010....

Goodbye feels a certain way. There are certain feelings that come inherent in every "goodbye", even though every one is unique. It’s been on my mind lately. I get asked often here in Paris if I have anybody here with me. “Any friends?” They ask, no one you know? I got asked this again today. It reminded me again how far away I am from my family.

I made a comment to my mom before I left the US that I felt like I had said a lot of goodbyes for my almost 27 years. I said, I have also said “hello” again to a lot of these “goodbyes” and it gets easier, I suppose, but what gets easier is that I just get more and more used to the ritual feelings that accompany said goodbyes.

It’s true. Every goodbye is different as is every hello. Some goodbyes are permanent and some are for a time. Same with any “hello”. This time, when I went home to Oregon I was able to say hello again to many things. My culture, my mother tongue, my family, my upbringing, some dear friends. Actually, a lot of things that I’d been away from for a while. And when I left I remembered acutely what it felt like to say goodbye to where I grew up and everything most familiar to me. Those familiar feelings came back. Not knowing when I would see some of them again. I don’t plan on moving back to Oregon, so when I’ll be back to visit, I don’t know. Weird.

And this time I thought about how fleeting life is. And this time I thought about how joyful some goodbyes are and how difficult others can be. I’m not sure if that means I’m getting old or growing up or something, but what was different about these last goodbyes I said to my family in Oregon is that I said goodbye to sharing a last name with a younger sister and wished my brother safety before his deployment. One goodbye as joyous as possible, and another rather terrible. I have to admit that the juxtaposition of such events has proven a rather emotional roller coaster these couple of weeks!

How things change. I was also privileged to be present for my dearest friend’s farewell to single life while I was home. She is another one, too, to whom I’ve often had to say “goodbye”, but this time was more different than ever before. Another goodbye to her that was said in joy and total happiness. And a goodbye that for her comes with a hello to a new life and a new partner in it. It’s particularly beautiful when it’s right! And this time it was. Very beautiful.

I also said goodbye to a big year. 2010 had a LOT packed into it for me. In some sense, I was not sad to see it go, and I was very happy to say hello to a new year. Hello, 2011, I’ve been waiting for you. :)

“Goodbye.” It hurts sometimes--even when it's for the better--and is exhilirating at others. And it can make one feel any myriad of emotions on this spectrum. Sounds dramatic, huh? I guess it can be.

Saying “hello” again to Paris was easier and better than I thought it would be. It was hard to leave home, but easier to come back to life here than I expected. In fact, this time I landed, I was coming back to a little bit of a life that I’ve spent the last couple of intense months building. And actually, having taken a bit of a hiatus from Paris to go home to Oregon, I feel some small sense of accomplishment coming back to even just a few people glad to see me. Thank God for that, it was kinda hard getting there. :) I’m looking forward to the rest of 2011 and the next 6 months of it here in Paris. I hope that I have spent the last part of 2010 settling into a little part of my life that I can just enjoy for the next half of this year. That said, I’ve already begun.